Concrete and Celluloid

Saturday, October 27, 2007

"Thank God it's Saturday..."

Okay, so this past week didn't exactly roll out like it was supposed to.

HEY, COLORADO ROCKIES! I'd like to introduce you to Painful Reality. I know, this Reality isn't the best looker in the world -- it's scruffy as hell, lives in a really old home and wears ugly, red socks, but it is what it is. Hopefully it won't like the thin air of Denver. You Rockies go home and do your best, m'kay?

What else?

Oh, right. HEY, BILL! Yeah, you -- Shatner, Denny, Walking Ego, T.J. or whatever you want to be called, it's not about you. What? You want to be called James Tiberius? AGAIN? Look, I'm sorry that J.J. won't let you play, but you're dead. Don't you remember? You got thrown off a cliff by that Linderman dude. Sheesh, some people...

More what else?

Oh, right. HEY, JOHN CLEESE! Happy Birthday. I know you're not getting any younger, but if you're looking for something to do, a series about the tripping times of an aging Basil Fawlty would sure perk me up.

Still more what else?

Oh, right. HEY, BRITNEY! Grow the f*ck up, will ya?

And still more what else?

Um, nope. That's pretty much it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

"Roc-kies! Roc-kies! Roc-kies!"

Question: Is there a better sports story this year than the Colorado Rockies?

Answer: I think not.

This is a team that wasn't expected to make too much noise this season, and with a couple of weeks left in the regular season, they were far on the outside looking in.

Then the winning stretch of a lifetime started. As of their most recent victory, the Rockies have won 21 of their last 22 games. Most baseball fans are hoping it never ends for Denver's boys of summer. Because, let's face it, this is no ordinary baseball miracle. This book has many chapters.

The comeback from oblivion is but one.

Todd Helton is another. A Rockie for an eternity, he has had but one brief sniff of October in his career. He is this year's "veteran player that deserves to win a championship before he's through. There's closer Manny Corpas, who thinks wetter is better. And there's Jeff Francis -- he's my token Canadian reference (not to be confused with The Tokin' Canadian Reference, a resource book on marijuana -- if someone is smart enough to steal this title from me, that is).

But the biggest chapter involves a player who's no longer a player. He's also no longer with us.

In July, Rockies' minor league coach Mike Coolbaugh was hit in the neck by a line drive while coaching first base for the Tulsa Drillers. This is the baseball equivalent of being struck by lightning, because it practically never happens. Sadly, Coolbaugh will never get a second chance. He died less than an hour later.

But, as sad as this story is, there is a side of it reeking of good. The Colorado organization has been very supportive and, most incredibly, the Rockies' players voted Coolbaugh's widow, Amanda, a full playoff share -- an amount which grows with every playoff round the Rockies win.

And, should anyone think of this as insignificant, they would be so very wrong. The amount of money pales in comparison to what some of these players make, but it ain't exactly petty cash, either. A full World Series winning share for last year's champion St. Louis Cardinals topped $362,000.

Mike Coolbaugh did make it to the big leagues, but he didn't stay long enough to bring home the bacon. He barely brought home pork rinds. His new career as a meagrely paid minor league coach was a new beginning that, like his playing career, was very brief.

But thanks to the generosity of the Colorado Rockies roster, Amanda Coolbaugh, her two young boys (who threw out the first pitch in the Rockies first home playoff game) and a soon-to-arrive third child get some serious bacon. The rest of us get a generosity lesson courtesy of the human spirit.

And the Rockies? They now have more people pulling for them than they can possibly count.

Friday, October 5, 2007

"She can run, but she can't hide..."

Marion, Marion, Marion...

Why'd ya do it? All of it -- the doping, the lies, and finally, the admission.

Let's start with number one. You obviously didn't think you could compete without an edge so you cheated. You probably thought that since you weren't the only one with your hand in the cookie jar that it would be okay.

'Twasn't, though.

Number two -- deny, deny, deny. Psst, your pants were on fire.

And finally, number three -- coming clean when you're about to get reamed by the feds doesn't make you repentant, it makes you an opportunist.

And a thoroughly unlikeable one, at that. Feel free to enjoy your time in the ladies detention center. By the way, if they assign you to license plate detail, I'll take one that reads YOU SUK.